Its quiet time in the house.
The dogs are asleep with me on the couch.
The kids are playing in their room
The fishtank makes little bubbly sounds

Bell’s on day 11 of her long week, and a vacation at the lake is coming up in 2 days. I can’t wait.

But time goes slooooooo when its quiet.

I should probably go cook some supper, or do some laundry, or occupy myself.
Or I could just sit on the couch a bit longer with the sleepy dogs..

Cami was the first dog I ever really had.

Sure, Cami and Mikey were a package deal, I took them on and Bell took on the two kids (its always been a focus of debate as to who got the best deal), but Mikeys a bit standoffish, and he’s very much a Mama’s boy.

Cami, she always liked the boys.

The first time I met them was the day that I came over to Bells house, on our first date. I had asked her out at the petstore (theres a story behind me asking her out, one that a few people know, and one that is too off topic for this post, so go ahead and wonder about that) on a date the following Saturday.

She skipped over (she still doesn’t realize it) to get a piece of paper to write her number down. I swooned a little at that.

Anyway, I was nervous as hell that Saturday afternoon, having dropped the kids off at the Grandparents, with two hours to kill before whats effectively the first ever date I’ve had. I read a little, took a shower, changed clothes, watched TV, changed clothes, and spent the last 20 minutes meditating on a spot on the ceiling. Finally, I took off, got a good bottle of chianti, a cheap pair of sunglasses (that I promptly and immediately broke when I slammed the car door on them), and took off to meet my pet store girl.

Now, we’d never discussed it, but knowing her as an animal person, I figured that she’d have some sort of animal. I’ve never really had the best luck with animals in my life, and considered it almost a bit of a problem to a long termish relationship. Not a major problem, but something that’d take some adjusting to.

I pulled up to Bells house, expecting to see a cat, perhaps a smallish dog. When I heard the barking, I adjusted my thinking. It wasn’t smallish.

When she opened the door, she was holding back this beast of a rottweiler, and an almost beast of a beagle. They inspected me, got a cookie, and it was all good.

Thats when I met Cami and Mikey.

It didn’t take long for Cami to warm up to me. We’d sit out on the porch, Bell and I, and talk, and Cami would lean up against me as I scratched her back. Every once in a while, she’d hear something and tear off down into the yard, barking like a hellhound. Then she’d come back, and if I didn’t resume the scratching, she’d bump her head into my hand until I did. That was cool.

What was also cool was the morning time food dance she did. When the dogs woke us up, before the sun comes up, we’d take the dogs out and sit out on the porch, cuddling, talking, waking up. After a while, Cami pops up on the porch. She’d sit for a little while, but after a while she’d announce her desire for breakfast by getting up, walking in front of us, and then going around in circles, violently throwing her head up like a bull and snorting. I miss that.

One night, a coldish November or December night, Bell was working late, and I was out on the back porch with Cami. Mikey was doing his thing down in the yard, the kids were in bed, and I was sad. I was thinking about somebody I’d lost, and looking up at the stars to find her. I was talking out loud to her.

Cami walked up next to me, brushed up against my arm. I looked down, and she was looking right at me. In her eyes was wisdom and peace. I sat down, and put my arm around her, and she sat, and all of a sudden I found what I was looking for.

It just took Cami to show me. And in that, I healed unexpectedly, and I have never felt that pain, and that missing piece, since that day.

Thank you, Cami. Thanks for everything you’ve done. It has been a blessing to know you, even for just a short time.

I had to put Cami to sleep this morning. The x-rays showed a hemangiosarcoma, rather large. Her appetite was at zero yesterday. She and I laid in the grass yesterday after work and soaked up some sun together. I told her it was all ok.

My heart hurts. But she went to sleep with her head on my arm…like we did for bedtime kisses everynight. And I know she doesn’t hurt anymore.

Cami
(aka Camilla, Pooh bear, Cami-poo)
May 10, 1996 - May 17, 2008

I’ll miss you, my sweet sweet girl.

Just found out some great news. My youngest brother and his lady are expecting a LITTLE GIRL!!!

Congrats, Colb!!!!

Life is so interesting.

Dragon asked us that on Wednesday night after we told the boys that Cami (my sweet, old dog) probably has cancer. I had just received the phone call from my vet. And after sitting on the bed for a bit,  being held tightly by my tender, understanding husband, it was bedtime for the boys. 

We talked to them and explained that Cami was very sick and probably hurting. We are going to the vet on Saturday for some x-rays to see if we can see what is going on. We will decide what to do from there. I told Dragon that if he believes that animals have souls, then yes…they go to heaven. At least that’s what I believe. I know so. I don’t know how I know. I just do. They are God’s creatures just like we are. 

While we were all sitting on the twin bed, we had a big family hug.

Wildcat said (from the inside of the hug) “It will all be fine.”

I won’t ever forget that moment.

OK, when we last spoke, I was getting the good ol espresso buzz and picking up my 6 yr old.

For some reason, past few days, the only time when I’ve had the spare brainpower and the spare time to post was waiting in the car line, posting on my Treo.  Luckily, it does a decent jobo, but still isn’t as nice as the ol’ lappy.   A whole lot more portable, tho, since the battery died (which, um, I got 5 months ago as a replacement for the first battery, which died under warranty) I now have to keep the lappy tied into its mighty grid umbilical cord.  Sure, every once in a while I can unplug it, and it flies freely, but only for about 5 minutes.  Then it warns me that is going to shut off as its shutting off.

Bummer.

So, anyway, espresso.

Right.

Bad stuff.

I got the jitters so badly, I had to lay down after I got back home.  No good, man, no good. However, I did manage to pass Netmom about 4 minutes before her car broke down.

Hmm… no point present.

Or maybe there are too many points.   They just blend together into a tapestry of make-no-sense, until both you and I are completely lost, in some tangent so far out that the thing I was trying to get out onto the internets is gone.

Hmm.

Hey, we had tacos last night!

Boys and girls, these rainy days are hard on me. I’ve been in a constant state of running late and misunderstanding things.

However, I’m now all jacked up on espresso, so things should be operating smoothly…

I love having a stick shift.

It means that if you’re tailgating me when I’m driving (ahem) 35 on Tennessee Ave at 3:15 PM, as the winner in the red pickup found, I will be able to immediately drop my speed to 20.

And then immediately bring it back up to 35.

Still there? Well how bout that, I just did it again.

Frustrating, huh sport?

Course, the stick isn’t much fun in the stop and go car line, but it was worth it to watch you bang your wheel on the curb when you tried to pass me as I turned left…

Each week we try to plan out our meals. Some weeks we go with all the ol’ stand-bys. They are favorites around here. But sometimes we feel the itch to try new things… they are fun for us to make together (and cooking is something we LOVE to do together) and it’s always interesting to eat the final product.

My mom grew up in Rock Island, Illinois. Everytime we go up to visit family, we eat at Maid-Rite. It’s awesome, yummy steamed, seasoned ground beef served on a bun with mustard, onions and pickles. Kind of like a sloppy joe without the sauce.

So, tonight we decided to try to make some . Since we don’t have Maid-Rite’s down here, it doesn’t really matter if they are taste exactly like them. We really wouldn’t know the difference. BUT- the idea of it was intriguing to our tummies.

I googled and came up with some different approaches to these lil sammiches. And we just kinda did what sounded yummy to us.

2 lbs. ground beef
3/4 cp. of chopped onion
1 can chicken broth
4 T Worcestershire sauce
2 T A-1 steak sauce
Salt and pepper to taste

Brown the ground beef. Add onions and cook until they are clear. Drain.
Add Worcestershire, steak sauce and chicken broth. Simmer covered for 30-45 min. Remove cover and reduce juices.
Serve onto hamburger buns with spoon and add mustard, onions, ketchup, dill pickles….or whatever floats your boat.

We ate them with homemade onion rings and french fries. Sweet tea topped it off.

It was yummy, yummy. And the boys loved it (which is awesome). Dragon couldn’t contain himself. Each bite made him wiggle around in his seat and go “Mmmmmmmmmm”

Score.

I’ve always felt that motherhood is the most challenging, exacting, important, amazing role that any person can play in the world. Don’t get me wrong, as a father myself, I’m a fan of good daddies, but theres something in the way that little kids (and big kids) look at a mom, whether its when they’re doing homework, or clearing a table, or asking whats for supper, or being tucked in at night, thats completely different from the way they look at a dad.

Moms (and I’m not talking about people that just give birth to kids… theres a lot of people out there that can squeeze a kid out of their body and not be a mom at all, just a baby machine) have shaped my life, and made me what I am. I’m inspired by my own mother, as well as the other mothers in my life. I watch my siblings who are mothers with their own kids, and I see somebody greater, bigger, than the little sister I grew up with. I see a MOM.

I look at my friends who have kids, whether I knew them before childbirth or not, and can’t help but be drawn to the way they treat their babys, my babies, and babies in general.

But this year, this year I’m watching this cute little pet store girl that I fell madly in love with last year, who hasn’t yet had a full year as a Mom, but kisses the boo-boos, and chides for not flushing the potty, and helps with homework, and is told “I love you, mommy” at bedtime. Its the most amazing thing, the most wonderful thing that I’ve ever seen.

She wasn’t a mom this time last year, nor had she ever been before.

But now, she’s every bit as much a Mom to two little boys as the lady who gave birth to them. She loves them fiercely. She protects them, she watches them play at the beach, she gives them kisses, she gets onto them when they need it, and she guides them. Most importantly, she guides them.

Its so beautiful. Its truly an amazing thing.

And it makes me even more madly in love with her. I fell in love with a cute little redhead girl, but I married a cute little redhead mom.

Its awesome.